A decade back, I went to a country club in the suburbs of northern Virginia, hoping for a fun and relaxing day of golf (a little bit of networking). My host, Peter DGMamarino – “Peter D” is an experienced CEO with his friends-for growing leaders and organizations. When we met, he was the Chief Executive Officer of a development company, who primarily worked with the federal government. Golf was not the only thing in Peter’s mind that day; He was considering me for a role within my company
Peter started the breakfast with a simple “let’s give an introduction to myself.” We both had our turn, about everything from family to business. I did not know at this time how long my introduction was. Peter sat down to me and did not speak a lot. It was obvious that he decided to listen, look at the group and improve my behavior. There were also two good friends of Peter on the table – human behavior expert – who would report their opinion on my skills and habits.
Later, while running away from the other T, Peter asked if I liked my breakfast with breakfast. I am deeply valued with openness and sincerely welcomed it. He said that I was not present in breakfast for others and my self-introduction has been circulating so far than other people. It was also clear, he said, that I am not a poor listener and if I continue such behavior then it would have been difficult to imagine me as a successful business leader.
Related: How to speak good … listen better
His words entered into my mind I had given similar comments before, but I made them always rational. As the reaction sank in I went across the green. I began to re-evaluate my deep beliefs about myself as a leader. All day, I raised many questions in my mind: Why was I a poor listener? How did this affect my career? What effect did it have on my marriage? How can I become a great listener?
“How can Peter hear, Peter?” I asked snarkily. I hit a nerve.
He stopped, then asked me, “Daniel, how old are you?”
“34,” I replied
He looked at me in the eyes and said: “Daniel, you are lucky enough to get me the response you just gave me. I was about 50 before someone told me that I was a bad listener. There was a lot of cost in professional and personal life. If you listen right, then you get a lot in your life, but it is a game changer for every relationship but if If you fail to get it properly, then it will harm you, until it does not appear for a long time. You are 34 years old, and I have given you gifts now do something with it. ”
During the last 10 years, I have done a lot with Peter’s reaction. I asked, and listened to others’ feedback, listen. I have read books and studies on listening. I have asked questions and read their responses mentally. I have learned strategies and developed strategies for listening to deep understanding. But after all the other hearings I have learned to listen to myself. My intuition is also an important voice.
This decade long journey began with a long, socially awkward golf cart ride with such a person who wanted to know whether I could absorb a reality apart from my own. By embracing my reality, I could change my life and career. Peter’s response and my choice allowed me to make my company to grow, Thru for building and leading a company, you have to listen, process and explain what people around you say. It takes practice that forces you to absorb your surroundings and it tells you right where a leader wants to be- “Now,” as Echart Toule is called.
Today, Peter is the chairman of the board of thermu. He and I regularly and often speak out in board meetings. But instead of speaking, I am absorbing Peter’s ideas and insights. And the more I listen, the more I reach the point of understanding the truth. Whatever suggestions I give does not always do, but I can say that I consider him and his thoughts very deep.
Here are the strategies from which I will hear deeply:
1. Ask the right questions
If you do not ask the right questions, then you can not hear your first questions framed in ways that do not answer yes or no, like “why …” and “tell me more about it …”
2. Explain to understand.
I have done this by summarizing what I think I have heard and then asking for confirmation. Moving it to trust and certification- There are two major components to the development and growth of strong business relationships.
3. Be Honest
If you check mid-talk then be open, we all do it! Great leaders are not shy to ask the speaker what they say, then join again
When you make a conference call while reading your favorite online magazine, it is called multitasking; do not fool yourself; Multitasking destroys productivity (for more information on that topic, check out this report from Stanford.)
Listening comes from hearing the best judgment, insights and solutions. Winning New Business Wears Up (and Distributed) Maintains Business Listening is an important part of every business model.
I could never predict that a golf game would change my intense behavior, so my advice is: When you enter your next meeting or do a comfortable conversation, then stop the desire to speak first. And instead listen deep understanding. When you essentially speak, you will be more relevant and connected to the speaker. This change can change your life and your career.